Thursday 20 December 2012

Emotional detachment part 2


Tonite I want to research about Emotional Detachment part - 2
because there is something very bothering me all the time...

Emotional detachment, in psychology, can mean two different things. In the first meaning, it refers to an "inability to connect" with others emotionally, as well as a means of dealing with anxiety by preventing certain situations that trigger it; it is often described as "emotional numbing" or dissociation, depersonalization or in its chronic form depersonalization disorder. In the second sense, it is a decision to avoid engaging emotional connections, rather than an inability or difficulty in doing so, typically for personal, social, or other reasons. In this sense it can allow people to maintain boundaries, psychic integrity and avoid undesired impact by or upon others, related to emotional demands.

First sense: inability to connect

Second sense: decision to not connect emotionally

Emotional detachment in the second sense above is a decision to avoid engaging emotional connections, rather than an inability or difficulty in doing so, typically for personal, social, or other reasons. In this sense it can allows people to maintain boundaries, psychic integrity and avoid undesired impact by or upon others, related to emotional demands. As such it is a deliberate mental attitude which avoids engaging the emotions of others.

This detachment does not necessarily mean avoiding empathy; rather it allows the person space needed to rationally choose whether or not to be overwhelmed or manipulated by such feelings. Examples where this is used in a positive sense might include emotional boundary management, where a person avoids emotional levels of engagement related to people who are in some way emotionally overly demanding, such as difficult co-workers or relatives, or is adopted to aid the person in helping others such as a person who trains himself to ignore the "pleading" food requests of a dieting spouse, or indifference by parents towards a child's begging. Emotional detachment also allows acts of extreme cruelty, such as torture and abuse, supported by the decision to not connect empathically with the person concerned. As a result, the decision as to whether emotional detachment in any given set of circumstances is considered to be a positive or negative mental attitude is a subjective one, and therefore a decision on which different people may not agree.

hmm.. I think I have to do some emotional detachment to some people I knew...

some quotes

Friday 14 December 2012

Mixed up Feeling

Huff...hari ini gw ngerasa pusing, stress, takut n bingung... udah perwalian tadi siang, tapi gw ga yakin apakah gw bakal bisa ngeberesin KP gw... tapi hari ini gw bakal pelayanan di perayaan Natal "Hourglass" so, gw harus semangat! saya akan pelayanan drama sebagai "Mr. Shigan" tokoh "Waktu". Pray the best for tomorrow! Ganbatte Pei! Do the best for Jesus! God Bless me 0:) doain ya teman2

Monday 2 July 2012

Some Quotes

Hey guys, udah lama ga post sesuatu di blog... n lagi abis ide nih... tapi gw mau bagiin beberapa quotes yg dulu pernah saya save karena menurut saya bagus... mohon maaf klo tidak mencantumkan author quotesnya, soalnya waktu itu cuma save quotes nya aja... :D


WISDOM quotes



Be happy. It's one way of being wise.

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.

Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.

Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it

Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the other helps you make a life.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I know what I have given you. I do not know what you have received

A wise old owl sat on an oak; The more he saw the less he spoke; The less he spoke the more he heard; Why aren't we like that wise old bird?

The key to wisdom is knowing all the right questions.

The highest form of wisdom is kindness

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is doing it.

A man only becomes wise when he begins to calculate the approximate depth of his ignorance.

We must become the change we want to see.

When an argument flares up, the wise man quenches it with silence

Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is enlightenment



LIFE quotes



Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel.

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.

Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.

If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything.

The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.

The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.

For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.

He lives the poetry that he cannot write. The others write the poetry that they dare not realise.

The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.

Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.

The most important things in life aren't things.

To become a spectator of one's own life is to escape the suffering of life.

Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see Life with a clearer view again.

Never waste a minute of your precious life by squandering it thinking about people you don't like

Only a life lived for others is a life worth while.

Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.

Look at life through the windshield, not the rear-view mirror

Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.

When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.

Don't worry about life, you're not going to survive it anyway.

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be.

Life is too important to be taken seriously.

When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?

The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

Contemplation often makes life miserable. We should act more, think less, and stop watching ourselves live.

Life is like a piano... what you get out of it depends on how you play it.

Of course life is bizarre, the more bizarre it gets, the more interesting it is. The only way to approach it is to make yourself some popcorn and enjoy the show.

Life is short, don't waste time worrying about what people think of you Hold on to the ones that care, in the end they will be the only ones there.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need.

If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.

In this world full of pain and sorrow, maybe once in a lifetime, you'll find someone who will make you feel wonderful. Hang on to that someone no matter what!

God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons we could not learn in any other way. The way we learn those lessons is not to deny the feelings but to find the meanings underlying them.

Don't go through life, grow through life.

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.

Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Enjoy life. This is not a dress rehearsal.

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it

Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint you can on it.

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry, because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing for most of us that it is not.

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring.

I really don't think life is about the I-could-have-beens. Life is only about the I-tried-to-do. I don't mind the failure but I can't imagine that I'd forgive myself if I didn't try.

If you live your life in the past, you waste the life you have to live.

Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It's all about timing.

Always do what you are afraid to do.

What makes life worth living is knowing that one day you'll wake up and find the person that makes you happier than anything in the whole world. So don't ever lose hope and give up, everything turns out okay and the good guy always wins.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.

A person starts to live when he can live outside himself.

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her: but once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game.

Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.

Life isn't weird: it's just the people in it.

The supreme object of life is to live. Few people live. It is true life only to realize one's own perfection, to make one's every dream a reality.

Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through them. The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us.

Life is suffering.

You never find yourself until you face the truth

Life does not accommodate you, it shatters you. It is meant to, and it couldn't do it better. Every seed destroys its container or else there would be no fruition.

I think of life as a good book. The further you get into it, the more it begins to make sense.

Think of the long view of life, not just what's going to happen today or tomorrow. Don't give up what you most want in life for something you think you want now.

Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.

I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.

Kiss your life. Accept it, just as it is. Today. Now. So that those moments of happiness you're waiting for don't pass you by.

Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.

To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. And number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you're going to have something special.

Life can either be accepted or changed. If it is not accepted, it must be changed. If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

Be brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute experience.

Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.

Only a life lived for others is worth living

Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.

We love life, not because we are used to living but because we are used to loving.

The best things in life come in threes, like friends, dreams, and memories.



LOVE quotes



In love, it is better to know and be disappointed, than to not know and always wonder.

I don't want to live. I want to love first, and live incidentally.

Loving is not owning, thats why I let you go

Maybe part of loving is learning to let go.

In jealousy there is more self-love than love.


Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.

When love is not madness, it is not love.


Let your love be like the misty rains, coming softly, but flooding the river (paling canggih nih quote)

Do I love you because you're beautiful,
Or are you beautiful because I love you?

When a man is in love or in debt, someone else has the advantage.



NICE quotes



Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end

The worst prison in the world would be a closed heart

The day will happen whether or not you get up.

My strength is made perfect in weakness.

Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.

I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every other part of my body is broken too.

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

Invisible tears are the hardest to wipe away. Just let it out, my friend.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

Don't cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won't let you see the stars.

What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul.

We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, "Why did this happen to me?" unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way.

You can't run away from trouble. There ain't no place that far.

Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.

When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.

A problem is a chance for you to do your best.

Adversity enhances this tale we call life.

Prosperity is a great teacher; adversity is a greater.

The darkest hour has only sixty minutes.

Monday 4 June 2012

RANDOM at 3am


Ketika gw bergalau ria subuh" sambil baca" artikel n istilah aneh", gw nemu website keren. Di website http://www.kabalarians.com bisa menentukan birthpath dan analisis nama depan, dan ini yg gw dapet: :
Birthdate gw
Feb 6 1987
2+6+1987 = 1995
1+9+9+5 = 24
2+4 = 6
Birthpath = 6


birthpath

Whether your birthpath expresses depends upon your names, for the names creates your personality and is the compelling force. The birthpath is only the potential until understood and expressed through a mind harmonized to that potential.

What is your birthpath? What is the real YOU?





1 birthpath
The 1s seek to understand the fundamental laws of life. They are inventors and explorers and they are naturally ingenious along practical lines. They learn through their own experiences. In work they are happiest in positions in which they can give orders instead of take them, and where their independence is not curtailed. They are self-reliant and strong-willed--the qualities of a leader.

2 birthpath
The 2s are the peace makers and diplomats. Their role is to meet and mix with people, to understand others, and to help people in the solution of their problems. The 2s are sensitive and intuitive. They can develop a wonderful way of using words to bring the best from others. They must understand and merge points of view to create appreciation for everyone.

3 birthpath
Self-expression is the 3s' keynote. They excel in vocal expression, public speaking, art, drama, or as entertainers, humorists, and promoters. Their role is to use the power of the word to inspire and lift others to see a happier, objective perspective of life. The 3's are congenial in association and cosmopolitan in nature. They have a love for all people and desire to help others.

4 birthpath
The 4 quality is technical and scientific. It brings into being a very systematic, technical, stable, patient, and scientifically analytical nature. The 4s seek an understanding of life, delving into matter and form, searching for the secrets of nature in materiality. The keynote of the 4 is practicality; and their duty is to find a basic principle governing matter and form. They make excellent teachers, researchers, and computer experts.

5 birthpath
The 5 quality represents change--a step above the technical phase. The 5s must seek a definite spiritual principle and apply it; thereby developing the intellect and seeking new ideas, new meanings, and theories, to bring improvement to life. The 5s tend to champion the less fortunate. They are quick thinkers, always searching for truth and the reason for things. As they love change, travel, and new experiences, they should not be placed in positions requiring detailed, monotonous routine. They love to sell and promote.

6 birthpath
The 6 represents maturity and responsibility; it is the role of assuming responsibilities for humankind, to help others in the solution of their problems. The 6s have the mental quickness and the analytical ability of the 5, but without the 5's restlessness and impulsiveness intensity. They desire to care for others. Their love is universal, with an intense desire to serve. They carry responsibility better than any other quality and make good managers, nurses, and doctors.

7 birthpath
The 7 quality represents the thinkers and writers. 7s must learn to tune their minds to harmony and balance for receiving impressions from within to develop their depth of knowledge of the deeper aspects of life. Their keynote is placidity. The 7s deeply appreciate the beauties of nature; they delight in mystery and are naturally drawn to philosophy and the occult. They should spend time in meditation and reflection, and write down their thoughts. They can develop great powers of concentration.

8 birthpath
The 8s role is to demonstrate the spiritual law in service to humanity through justice and equality. The 8s are the born executives and national leaders, and should occupy positions where they can administer fairness for all and work to create a just and balanced economic system. The 8s should never be subservient to others. They seem to understand people and have the ability to direct others and to hold positions of great responsibility.

9 birthpath
The 9s are born to serve others along the path of wisdom as spiritual leaders and teachers. They are very sensitive and creative. Their talents are many and varied, covering the inspirational vocations or in business where they have the opportunity to be of service to people in some way--in charitable institutions, hospitals, or in education or law, in drama, music or art. The 9s are charming, affectionate, and respond quickly to kindness. The path of the 9 is the highest and most inspirational, but it is the most challenging to live for theirs is a life of service.

The Mathematical Principle of nine is a spiritual law which can be found, although hidden in symbology, in all ancient spiritual writings and concepts.

Our purpose is understood through knowledge and application of the Mathematical Principle. Our purpose becomes clearer as we understand the relationship of the individual to the bigger picture.
Find out about how your names affect your life and how to determine your purpose in life.

Somehow, ada benernya yang tertera pada birthpath... ya semoga yg positif" nya ada di dalam diriku >.<



First Name Analysis:
  • The name of Ferry gives you a very inquisitive, restless, seeking nature.
  • You feel impelled by intense desires that you cannot comprehend or satisfy.
  • You have had the desire to accomplish something outstanding and to do something very worthwhile for humanity, especially early in your life.
  • This name gives you a versatile, clever, analytical mind, but unfortunately you cannot direct your interest toward an undertaking for long, as you do not have the patience and practicality for systematic hard work and attention to detail.
  • You resent obstacles, delays, and restrictions.
  • This name gives you ambition, high ideals, and much creative ability, but the intense dynamic nature is too often spent in feelings and in moods, rather than in constructive action.
  • Although the name Ferry creates an active mind and a restless urge to explore new ideas, we emphasize that it causes an emotional intensity that is hard to control.
  • This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the solar plexus, and nervous system.




What's my purpose in Life?
There's much more meaning in life once you know your purpose.

Consider a hammer. It's designed to hit nails. That's what it was created to do. Now imagine that the hammer never gets used. It just sits in the toolbox. The hammer doesn't care.

But now imagine that same hammer with a soul, a self-consciousness. Days and days go by with him remaining in the toolbox. He feels funny inside, but he's not sure exactly why. Something is missing, but he doesn't know what it is.

Then one day someone pulls him out of the toolbox and uses him to break some branches for the fireplace. The hammer is exhilarated. Being held, being wielded, hitting the branches -- the hammer loves it. At the end of the day, though, he is still unfulfilled. Hitting the branches was fun, but it wasn't enough. Something is still missing.

In the days that follow, he's used often. He reshapes a hubcap, blasts through some sheet rock, knocks a table leg back into place. Still, he's left unfulfilled. So he longs for more action. He wants to be used as much as possible to knock things around, to break things, to blast things, to dent things. He figures that he just hasn't had enough of these events to satisfy him. More of the same, he believes, is the solution to his lack of fulfillment.

Then one day someone uses him on a nail. Suddenly, the lights come on in his hammer soul. He now understands what he was truly designed for. He was meant to hit nails. All the other things he hit pale in comparison. Now he knows what his hammer soul was searching for all along.

We are created in God's image for relationship with him. Being in that relationship is the only thing that will ultimately satisfy our souls. Until we come to know God, we've had many wonderful experiences, but we haven't hit a nail. We've been used for some noble purposes, but not the one we were ultimately designed for, not the one through which we will find the most fulfillment. Augustine summarized it this way: "You [God] have made us for yourself and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee."

A relationship with God is the only thing that will quench our soul's longing. Jesus Christ said, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty." Until we come to know God, we are hungry and thirsty in life. We try to "eat" and "drink" all kinds of things to satisfy our hunger and thirst, but yet they remain.

We are like the hammer. We don't realize what will end the emptiness, the lack of fulfillment, in our lives. Even in the midst of a Nazi prison camp, Corri Ten Boom found God to be wholly satisfying: "The foundation of our happiness was that we knew ourselves hidden with Christ in God. We could have faith in God's love...our Rock who is stronger than the deepest darkness."

Usually when we keep God out, we try to find fulfillment in something other than God, but we can never get enough of that thing. We keep "eating" or "drinking" more and more, erroneously thinking that 'more' is the answer to the problem, yet we are never ultimately satisfied.

Our greatest desire is to know God, to have a relationship with God. Why? Because that's how we've been designed. Have you hit a nail yet?

Wednesday 30 May 2012

Emotional Detachment & Emotional Contagion

Hello guys! I'm curiously about emotional detachment, let's see what wiki says first :

Emotional detachment, in psychology, can mean two different things. In the first meaning, it refers to an "inability to connect" with others emotionally, as well as a means of dealing with anxiety by preventing certain situations that trigger it; it is often described as "emotional numbing" or dissociation, depersonalization or in its chronic form depersonalization disorder. In the second sense, it is a type of "mental assertiveness" that allows people to maintain their boundaries and psychic integrity when faced with the emotional demands of another person or group of persons.

Let's know far more about emotional detachment:
Emotional detachment is a natural mental response to prolonged physical and mental abuse. For victims of abuse, war veterans, and those who suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), detachment can become a big issue when trying to recapture feelings of love and warmth and often leaves them cold and unemotional for the rest of their life. If you are interested in becoming detached for the sake of preventing yourself from further mental assault, then read ahead through this article for instructions on how to do so. It is ill-advised to become detached based on an image or personality you want to achieve because it will present problems to you later on in life.



wikiHow to be Emotionally Detached 6 steps :
  1. Take a deep breath. If you are stressed out, your body naturally tenses and sends your thoughts racing. Breathe deep and slow to avoid a lack of oxygen that can add to the problem.
  2. Don't think about it. If you are constantly being yelled at or threatened, block out that voice by not thinking about it. Changing our thinking is easier said than done because it requires taking positive action in a negative scenario that if repeated will lead to a change in attitude and behavior (your behavior). Instead of obsessing about the person who is hurting you, count to 100 in your head, count sheep, count the number of things in the room, think of the names of all the United States, anything logical and unemotional that will take your mind off the situation.
  3. Take action physically. Go for a walk, a bike ride or any other cardiovascular activity. Aerobic activity is proven to boost endorphines and will help you be in a better position to monitor and change your reactions to emotional predators.
  4. Practice crying alone. Crying in front of the one who is harassing you will only provoke them to taunt you more or continue with their harassment. Breathing deeply and thinking of something other than the situation will prevent you from fully processing their mean words and ultimately prevent you from crying. BUT it is not healthy to keep that sadness in. Try your best to wait until the situation has ended and for the antagonist to leave the room before you begin to cry.
  5. Write things down. Just as it is unhealthy to keep from crying, it is also unhealthy to keep anger and confusion inside. Write down how you feel in a secret journal or diary.
  6. Keep up the habit. Eventually, your mind will learn to store things away and you'll go into thinking of logical and unemotional things naturally when being harassed.
My advice, listen to a music that strengthens your mood or your conditions, if you're not strong enough, don't listen a "galau" song :)


On Sunday May 27 2012,I've experienced Emotional Contagion when one of my friend on his wedding blessing ceremony, the atmosphere is very touchy and sad(cos of happiness) when they declare a wedding promise and talk to their parents who have raised from baby.
Do you know what is emotional contagion?

Emotional contagion is the tendency to catch and feel emotions that are similar to and associated with those of others. One view developed by John Cacioppo of the underlying mechanism is that it represents a tendency to mimic and synchronize facial expressions, vocalizations, postures, and movements with those of another person automatically and, consequently, to converge emotionally. A broader definition of the phenomenon was suggested by Sigal G. Barsade—"a process in which a person or group influences the emotions or behavior of another person or group through the conscious or unconscious induction of emotion states and behavioral attitudes".


If you like reading lots of posts, continue until the end



What is detachment?
Detachment is the:
* Ability to allow people, places or things the freedom to be themselves.
* Holding back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional or irrational.
* Giving another person "the space" to be herself.
* Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people.
* Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place or thing.
* Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life.
* Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence.
* Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering.
* Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling.
* Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life.
* Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point.
* Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them.
* Ability to allow people to be who they "really are" rather than who you "want them to be."
* Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people who in the past have been overly dependent or enmeshed with you.

What are the negative effects not detaching?
If you are unable to detach from people, places or things, then you:
* Will have people, places or things which become over-dependent on you.
* Run the risk of being manipulated to do things for people, at places or with things which you do not really want to do.
* Can become an obsessive "fix it" who needs to fix everything you perceive to be imperfect.
* Run the risk of performing tasks because of the intimidation you experience from people, places or things.
* Will most probably become powerless in the face of the demands of the people, places or things whom you have given the power to control you.
* Will be blind to the reality that the people, places or things which control you are the uncontrollables and unchangeables you need to let go of if you are to become a fully healthy, coping individual.
* Will be easily influenced by the perception of helplessness which these people, places or things project.
* Might become caught up with your idealistic need to make everything perfect for people, places or things important to you even if it means your own life becomes unhealthy.
* Run the risk of becoming out of control of yourself and experience greater low self-esteem as a result.
* Will most probably put off making a decision and following through on it, if you rationally recognize your relationship with a person, place or thing is unhealthy and the only recourse left is to get out of the relationship.
* Will be so driven by guilt and emotional dependence that the sickness in the relationship will worsen.
* Run the risk of losing your autonomy and independence and derive your value or worth solely from the unhealthy relationship you continue in with the unhealthy person, place or thing.

How is detachment a control issue?
Detachment is a control issue because:
* It is a way of de-powering the external "locus of control" issues in your life and a way to strengthen your internal "locus of control."
* If you are not able to detach emotionally or physically from a person, place or thing, then you are either profoundly under its control or it is under your control.
* The ability to "keep distance" emotionally or physically requires self-control and the inability to do so is a sign that you are "out of control."
* If you are not able to detach from another person, place or thing, you might be powerless over this behavior which is beyond your personal control.
* You might be mesmerized, brainwashed or psychically in a trance when you are in the presence of someone from whom you cannot detach.
* You might feel intimidated or coerced to stay deeply attached with someone for fear of great harm to yourself or that person if you don't remain so deeply involved.
* You might be an addicted caretaker, fixer or rescuer who cannot let go of a person, place or thing you believe cannot care for itself.
* You might be so manipulated by another's con, "helplessness," overdependency or "hooks" that you cannot leave them to solve their own problems.
* If you do not detach from people, places or things, you could be so busy trying to "control" them that you completely divert your attention from yourself and your own needs.
* By being "selfless" and "centered" on other people, you are really a controller trying to fix them to meet the image of your ideal for them.
* Although you will still have feelings for those persons, places and things from which you have become detached, you will have given them the freedom to become what they will be on their own merit, power, control and responsibility.
* It allows every person, place or thing with which you become involved to feel the sense of personal responsibility to become a unique, independent and autonomous being with no fear of retribution or rebuke if they don't please you by what they become.

What irrational thinking leads to an inability to detach?
* If you should stop being involved, what will they do without you?
* They need you and that is enough to justify your continued involvement.
* What if they commit suicide because of your detachment? You must stay involved to avoid this.
* You would feel so guilty if anything bad should happen to them after you reduced your involvement with them.
* They are absolutely dependent on you at this point and to back off now would be a crime.
* You need them as much as they need you.
* You can't control yourself because everyday you promise yourself "today is the day" you will detach your feelings but you feel driven to them and their needs.
* They have so many problems, they need you.
* Being detached seems so cold and aloof. You can't be that way when you love and care for a person. It's either 100 percent all the way or no way at all.
* If you should let go of this relationship too soon, the other might change to be like the fantasy or dream you want them to be.
* How can being detached from them help them? It seems like you should do more to help them.
* Detachment sounds so final. It sounds so distant and non-reachable. You could never allow yourself to have a relationship where there is so much emotional distance between you and others. It seems so unnatural.
* You never want anybody in a relationship to be emotionally detached from you so why would you think it a good thing to do for others?
* The family that plays together stays together. It's all for one and one for all. Never do anything without including the significant others in your life.
* If one hurts in the system, we all hurt. You do not have a good relationship with others unless you share in their pain, hurt, suffering, problems and troubles.
* When they are in "trouble," how can you ignore their "pleas" for help? It seems cruel and inhuman.
* When you see people in trouble, confused and hurting, you must always get involved and try to help them solve the problems.
* When you meet people who are "helpless," you must step in to give them assistance, advice, support and direction.
* You should never question the costs, be they material, emotional or physical, when another is in dire need of help.
* You would rather forgo all the pleasures of this world in order to assist others to be happy and successful.
* You can never "give too much" when it comes to providing emotional support, comforting and care of those whom you love and cherish.
* No matter how badly your loved ones hurt and abuse you, you must always be forgiving and continue to extend your hand in help and support.
* Tough love is a cruel, inhuman and anti-loving philosophy of dealing with the troubled people in our lives and you should instead love them more when they are in trouble since "love" is the answer to all problems.

How to Develop Detachment
In order to become detached from a person, place or thing, you need to:

First: Establish emotional boundaries between you and the person, place or thing with whom you have become overly enmeshed or dependent on.

Second: Take back power over your feelings from persons, places or things which in the past you have given power to affect your emotional well-being.

Third: "Hand over" to your Higher Power the persons, places and things which you would like to see changed but which you cannot change on your own.

Fourth: Make a commitment to your personal recovery and self-health by admitting to yourself and your Higher Power that there is only one person you can change and that is yourself and that for your serenity you need to let go of the "need" to fix, change, rescue or heal other persons, places and things.

Fifth: Recognize that it is "sick" and "unhealthy" to believe that you have the power or control enough to fix, correct, change, heal or rescue another person, place or thing if they do not want to get better nor see a need to change.

Sixth: Recognize that you need to be healthy yourself and be "squeaky clean" and a "role model" of health in order for another to recognize that there is something "wrong" with them that needs changing.

Seventh: Continue to own your feelings as your responsibility and not blame others for the way you feel.

Eighth: Accept personal responsibility for your own unhealthy actions, feelings and thinking and cease looking for the persons, places or things you can blame for your unhealthiness.

Ninth: Accept that addicted fixing, rescuing, enabling are "sick" behaviors and strive to extinguish these behaviors in your relationship to persons, places and things.

Tenth: Accept that many people, places and things in your past and current life are "irrational," "unhealthy" and "toxic" influences in your life, label them honestly for what they truly are, and stop minimizing their negative impact in your life.

Eleventh: Reduce the impact of guilt and other irrational beliefs which impede your ability to develop detachment in your life.

Twelfth: Practice "letting go" of the need to correct, fix or make better the persons, places and things in life over which you have no control or power to change.

Steps in Developing Detachment
Step 1: It is important to first identify those people, places and things in your life from which you would be best to develop emotional detachment in order to retain your personal, physical, emotional and spiritual health. To do this you need to review the following types of toxic relationships and identify in your journal if any of the people, places or things in your life fit any of the following 20 categories.

Types of Toxic Relationships
* You find it hard to let go of because it is addictive.
* The other is emotionally unavailable to you.
* Coercive, threatening, intimidating to you.
* Punitive or abusive to you.
* Non-productive and non-reinforcing for you.
* Smothering you.
* Other is overly dependent on you.
* You are overly dependent on the other.
* Other has the power to impact your feelings about yourself.
* Relationship in which you are a chronic fixer, rescuer or enabler.
* Relationship in which your obligation and loyalty won't allow you to let go.
* Other appears helpless, lost and out of control.
* Other is self-destructive or suicidal.
* Other has an addictive disease.
* Relationship in which you are being manipulated and conned.
* When guilt is a major motivating factor preventing your letting go and detaching.
* Relationship in which you have a fantasy or dream that the other will come around and change to be what you want.
* Relationship in which you and the other are competitive for control.
* Relationship in which there is no forgiveness or forgetting and all past hurts are still brought up to hurt one another.
* Relationship in which your needs and wants are ignored.

Step 2: Once you have identified the persons, places and things you have a toxic relationship with, then you need to take each one individually and work through the following steps.

Step 3: Identify the irrational beliefs in the toxic relationship which prevent you from becoming detached. Address these beliefs and replace them with healthy, more rational ones.

Step 4: Identify all of the reasons why you are being hurt and your physical, emotional and spiritual health is being threatened by the relationship.

Step 5: Accept and admit to yourself that the other person, place or thing is "sick," dysfunctional or irrational, and that no matter what you say, do or demand you will not be able to control or change this reality. Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you. All others are the unchangeables in your life. Change your expectations that things will be better than what they really are. Hand these people, places or things over to your Higher Power and let go of the need to change them.

Step 6: Work out reasons why there is no need to feel guilt over letting go and being emotionally detached from this relationship and free yourself from guilt as you let go of the emotional "hooks" in the relationship.

Step 7: Affirm yourself as being a person who "deserves" healthy, wholesome, health-engendering relationships in your life. You are a good person and deserve healthy relationships, at home, work and in the community.

Step 8: Gain support for yourself as you begin to let go of your emotional enmeshment with these relationships.

Step 9: Continue to call upon your Higher Power for the strength to continue to let go and detach.

Step 10: Continue to give no person, place or thing the power to affect or impact your feelings about yourself.

Step 11: Continue to detach and let go and work at self-recovery and self-healing as this poem implies.

"Letting Go"
* To "let go" does not mean to stop caring; it means I can't do it for someone else.
* To "let go" is not to cut myself off; it's the realization I can't control another.
* To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
* To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
* To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another; it's to make the most of myself.
* To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.
* To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.
* To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
* To "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
* To "let go" is not to be protective; it's to permit another to face reality.
* To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.
* To "let go" is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
* To "let go" is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
* To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
* To "let go" is to not regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
* To "let go" is to fear less and love myself more.

Step 12: If you still have problems detaching, then return to Step 1 and begin all over again.

Monday 28 May 2012

Relationship & Emotional Attachment

Guys, gw ingin membahas tentang relationship, dan kroni" nya... katanya ada 3 stage dlm hubungan percintaan/pacaran

The Three Stages of Love in Relationships

Romantic feelings or lust is the first stage of love. Romantic love is driven by testosterone and estrogen. Mating is the evolutionary purpose of this stage of love; it creates strong physical attraction and sets the stage for emotional attachment. In this stage of love, endorphins soak your brain and you're immersed in intense pleasurable sensations. Your lover is perfect, ideal, made for you. In this stage of love you feel exhilarated and even "high" (similar to the feeling you get after you eat really good chocolate or have a great workout). You feel infatuated in this stage of love.

Physical attraction and power struggles make up the second stage of love (the "lovesick" phase). You may lose your appetite, need less sleep, and daydream about your lover on the bus, during meetings, in the shower. In this stage of love, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin are racing through your body and brain. You're also trying to shape your lover into your ideal partner – which is where the power struggles come in. In this stage of relationship, you're becoming more realistic, and you two may fight about things like whether or not to buy organic food or listen to country music. The infatuation is wearing off, a strong emotional attachment begins to set in, and feelings of infatuation fade.

Emotional attachment or unconditional acceptance is the third stage of love. Emotional attachment involves commitment, partnership, and even children (a fear of intimacy prevents many from reaching this stage of love). In this stage of love, you're aware of both positive and negative traits in your partner, and you've decided you want to build a life together. Confrontation is most likely to occur in this stage of love (though if you're authentic and honest, it'll also happen in the second stage of love). You and your partner will either work towards a healthy, loving relationship or decide to call it quits.

Staying in Love
Love isn't just a vehicle that brings happiness and contentment to your life (or bitterness and pain!). Love is a living, dynamic creature that changes, grows, and needs attention -- and you must nurture it. In all three stages of love, your love reveals who you really are, in all your glory and weakness.

All stages of love can help you accept your strengths and weaknesses. All stages of love also reveal your partner's strengths and weaknesses.
7 Tips for All 3 Stages of Love:
1. Focus on the things you can control: your attitude, your behavior, your words, and your energy. If you want something to change in any stage of a loving relationship, make it your own traits or actions – not your partner's.
2. Learn healthy ways to express your disappointment, anger, or frustration. Be honest and authentic, and kind and loving in all stages of relationships.
3. Remember the first stage of love! Recall your feelings of lust, attraction, and desire for your partner. Think about the traits that you were attracted to, and let those old feelings come to life again.
4. Appreciate your partner's good qualities; be grateful for the life you share. Gratitude can enhance all stages of relationships.
5. Focus on emotional intimacy in all three stages of love. Be vulnerable to have a healthy love life.
6. Own your feelings. Your partner can't "make" you feel stupid or worthless. If you feel unfulfilled or sad about your life, look at your own dreams and goals. Are you pursuing the life you were meant to live? Are you following your heart? Develop your personality, mind, and spirit. Figure out what will make you happy in this stage of love, and start creating the life you were meant to live.
7. Consider counseling in any stage of love. If you've lost that loving feeling, it could be an individual thing that you need to deal with or a couples' issue that you should tackle together. An objective point of view, from a therapist, pastor, or friend you trust, is incredibly helpful in all stages of relationships.
Regardless of what stage of love you're in, you need to know the best way to say "I love you"!

Selain itu, hunbungan percintaan menurut gw akan menghasilkan yg namanya emotional attachment, apa sih karakteristik dari attachment ?

Characteristics of Attachment :
Bowlby believed that there are four distinguishing characteristics of attachment:
Proximity Maintenance - The desire to be near the people we are attached to.
Safe Haven - Returning to the attachment figure for comfort and safety in the face of a fear or threat.
Secure Base - The attachment figure acts as a base of security from which the child can explore the surrounding environment.
Separation Distress - Anxiety that occurs in the absence of the attachment figure.

Klo menurut gw, emotional attachment ada karena hubungan yg dijalani antara pasangan sudah cukup dalam, dan apalagi klo sudah terjadi kontak fisik. Katanya sih klo pasangan yg baru aja honeymoon, emotional attachmentnya tinggi hahaha knp ya? :0
Emotional Attachment juga bukan pada orang aja lho... bisa terhadap makanan, fashion, gadget, brands? etc...
Gmn guys, have you realize do you have any emotional attachment to someone or something ?

see ya!

Sunday 27 May 2012

LOVE vs LUST

Hi! udah lama ngga post nih... kali ini gw tertarik membahas topik LOVE vs LUST, sebagai pembukaan mari kita cekidot apa kata om wiki tentang LOVE and LUST :
Love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment. Love is also a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection —"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another". Love may also be described as actions towards others or oneself based on compassion, or as actions towards others based on affection.
Lust is an emotion or feeling of intense desire in the body. The lust can take any form such as the lust for knowledge, the lust for sex or the lust for power. It can take such mundane forms as the lust for food as distinct from the need for food. Lust is a powerful psychic force producing intense wanting for an object, or circumstance fulfilling the emotion.
have you find the one?


hmm, gmn tmn" pendapat kalian tentang LOVE and LUST? klo gw setuju ama pendapat om wiki tentang LOVE and LUST, tapi ketika kita menjalaninya di kehidupan nyata bakal sulit memisahkan LOVE and LUST ini, apalagi bagi mereka yang sedang pacaran :3 uhuy! mari kita simak lagi beberapa indikasi tentang LOVE and LUST yang gw dapet dr dunia-maya


SIGNS OF LOVE
  • You want to spend quality time together other than sex.
  • You get lost in conversations and forget about the hours passing.
  • You want to honestly listen to each other's feelings, make each other happy.
  • He or she motivates you to be a better person.
  • You want to get to meet his or her family and friends.
SIGNS OF LUST
  • You're totally focused on a person's looks and body.
  • You're interested in having sex, but not in having conversations.
  • You'd rather keep the relationship on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings.
  • You want to leave soon after sex rather than cuddling or breakfast the next morning.
  • You are lovers, but not friends.

WHAT IS LOVE?
"To experience the pure essence of unconditional love is our basic purpose for coming to earth," writes Marianne Williamson in A Return to Love. "We experience it as kindness, giving, compassion, peace, joy, acceptance, non-judgment, joining, intimacy." Love is not neediness. "I love you because I need you!" -- WRONG! "I need you because I love you!" -- RIGHT!
Why is love so hard to find? It's simple: 
1) we do not love ourselves; and 
2) we have not healed the wounds of past love relationships.
Astrology can reveal the qualities each person has for loving himself or herself and for giving love to another. Further study, especially of Venus, Sun and Moon, in the charts of two people shows how easily they can love each other.


WHAT IS LUST?
Lust is chemistry. It is felt almost immediately when two people meet. It usually involves flirting, touching. Something inside you goes, "Boing!" Lust involves the body. A real deterrent to pure love is seeing ourselves only as bodies; when in reality, we are not our bodies...we are a spiritual soul inside a physical body.
Good love will involve good sex. Good sex alone rarely involves real pure love. The danger with lust is that men and women react to it differently. Women "fall in love" with a good lustful encounter, men do not. Men "fall in love" by doing for their woman.
In Astrology compatibility, studying the aspects involving Mars and Pluto indicates lust.


hmm, byk sekali perspektif tentang LOVE and LUST :), tapi kalian pasti udah dapet gambaran besarnya tentang LOVE and LUST


Love is forever, Lust is temporary. I admire the truth in both. I believe its possible to fall in love with art, to fantasize FAR beyond what you see. Imagine what you believe, believe what you can imagine. -Crush

Sunday 13 May 2012

Distraction & Klappertaart

Hi guys, hari sabtu siang setelah beres kuliah gw berenang ke sampoerna, pas gw berenang gw kepikiran kata "Distraction", kira" guys, klo denger kata itu gmn pendapat kalian? klo gw sih lgs kepikiran distraction itu sesuatu yang mengalihkan perhatian kita, baik dalam studi, pekerjaan, ataupun hal lain. Apakah kalian pernah mikirin, kapan sih biasanya kalian mengalami yg namanya distraction ? apakah distraction kalian itu lebih penting daripada apa yang kalian lakukan saat itu ? keep wondering guys!
klo menurut wikipedia :
Distraction is the divided attention of an individual or group from the chosen object of attention onto the source of distraction. Distraction is caused by: the lack of ability to pay attention; lack of interest in the object of attention; or the great intensity, novelty or attractiveness of something other than the object of attention. Distractions come from both external sources, and internal sources.
Klo gw pribadi sering mengalami distraction biasanya waktu ngerjain tugas, susah banget buat ngerjain tugas terus sampe tuntas.. biasanya diselang main game, makan, atau browsing(facebook, twitter, termasuk blog ini juga :p). Tapi waktu kemaren berenang gw jd mikirin lagi, kenapa yah gampang banget perhatian kita teralihkan tanpa kita sadari, n gw rasa kita harus punya control terhadap sesuatu yang kita sedang lakukan atau bisa disebut memiliki tujuan yang jelas dan selalu menyadarinya itu... kemaren waktu berenang juga susah banget supaya tetep fokus mau 20x bolak balik kolam panjang...  baru 1x berenti bentar istirahat ato celingak celinguk :D apalagi klo ada cewe hot o.O wkwkwkwk... tapi akhirnya gw bisa fokus n ngga banyak jedanya untuk menyelesaikan target berenang gw(20x bolak balik) n badan terasa ringan.
galau dipinggir kolam >.<
@sampoerna sports club



Funny Distraction Picture :
pesepeda nabrak tiang gara" ngga fokus ke depan
tentara yg distracted by a girl
even anak kecil juga bisa distracted *lol*
kayanya harus nangkep kepiting yg lebih besar :)
this is so funny
omg!
are you read the text? *lol*
That's all for distraction guys :D



Sepulang dari berenang, gw melihat billboard dijalan ada yang namanya "klappertaartgw sering si wondering apa sih klappertaart itu ? cuma baru sekarang sempet gw cari n tau apa itu klappertaart.

Menurut info yang gw dapet :
Klappertaart di Indonesia dikenal sebagai kue khas Manado dengan bahan dasar kelapa, tepung terigu, susu, mentega dan telur. Resep adonan tersebut merupakan pengaruh saat zaman pendudukan Belanda di Manado. Terdapat beberapa macam cara memasak klappertaart. Bila dipanggang dan menggunakan roti, maka akan menghasilkan klappertaart dalam bentuk yang padat, bisa dipotong layaknya kue taart pada umumnya. Tetapi ada juga cara memasak yang tidak panggang. Ini akan menghasilkan tekstur yang begitu lembut, seperti memakan custard yang langsung meleleh begitu masuk ke mulut. Kue ini paling nikmat bila disantap dalam keadaan dingin jadi tidak boleh dibiarkan terlalu lama di luar pendingin.
Klappertaart termasuk kue yang mengandung kalori yang cukup tinggi. Ada pengusaha klappertaart yang mencari campuran adonan yang lebih rendah jumlah kandungan kalorinya. Beberapa jenis klappertart menggunakan lemak rendah kalori, susu kalsium tinggi dan pemanis rendah kalori sebagai campuran adonannya menggantikan susu dan gula yang pada umumnya digunakan, sehingga menjadikan kue ini berkurang jumlah kalorinya. Klappertaart Rendah Kalori memang sengaja dibuat agar orang-orang yang sedang diet bisa menikmati kue lezat ini.
klappertaart yang tidak dipanggang

Klappertaart Huize, Bogor
Jika kita jalan-jalan ke kota Bogor, jangan lupa mampir ke Jl. Pangrango ya, karena di situ terdapat berbagai jajanan nikmat untuk oleh-oleh. Salah satu jajanan yang terkenal enak adalah Klappertaart Huize. Bila biasanya Klappertaart rasanya campuran kelapa dan susu saja, di Klappertaart Huize ini kita bisa mendapatkan Klappertaart dengan aneka rasa unik, seperti Blueberry, Strawberry dan Cheese.
Bangunan toko Klappertaart Huize cukup artistik kerena bentuknya seperti rumah model tempo doeloe. Ruangan dalamnya memang tidak terlalu besar karena para pengunjung lebih sering membawa pulang makanan yang dijual daripada memakannya langsung di tempat. Begitu masuk kita langsung disambut dengan display beraneka jenis Klappertaart. 
Nah, jika kita mengenal Klappertaart sebagai cemilan mirip pudding yang rasanya hanya perpaduan susu dan kelapa, maka kita akan terkejut dengan Klappertaart yang ada di Klappertaart Huize ini. Karena rasanya macam-macam, mulai dari rasa buah-buahan seperti Blueberry, Strawberry, dan Tutti Fruity. Ada juga rasa cheese, pandan, cokelat, green tea, hingga rasa yang ekstrim seperti Oreo dan Tape. Klappertaart ini pun terdiri dari berbagai ukuran, yaitu ukuran small seharga Rp 5500, regular seharga Rp 10.000 dan large seharga Rp 14.000. Selain itu juga ada berbagai ukuran extra besar dengan harga yang bervariasi.

Klappertaart Huize
Kategori: Tempat Makan
Alamat: Jl.Pangrango No.8 Bogor
Jam Operasional : 09.00 –  21.00 WIB
Range Harga: Rp 5.500 – Rp 60.000


aduh... jadi penasaran nih... mau coba? dateng aja! di Bandung juga ada kok... Den Haag Klappertaart di Jl RE Martadinata no 22, kalo di Jakarta Hanna's Klappertaart ktnya enak bgt...bisa Grand Indonesia, Senayan City, Pondok Indah Mall 2, dan tmpt" lainnya